The Gigantic Beard That Was Evil
By Stephen Collins
Okay, okay, I admit: this doesn't sound like my kind of book. But, then again. This book is not like it sounds. It just goes to show that you should never judge a book by it's cover. ( Or title. Or back blurb. Or whatever everyone judges books by.)
So this book is about a man named Dave who lives in Here. He is entirely bald except for his eyebrows and one hair just under his nose. Here is an island in the middle of the sea. There is what is on the other side of the sea. The sea is bad. There is bad. Here is good. Here is the tidiest place in the universe. There is not a shirt untucked, a shoe untied, a beard unshaved. Then one day, while Dave is at work, he grows a gigantic untameable beard. Not even chain saws can cut it. It just breaks the blade. Finally, in an act of desperation and fear, the towns people try the most dangerous thing of all. The thing that could mean the end of Dave. I really like how calm and serene Dave seems at the end of his life on earth. In the book it says" Dave looked, well, I guess he looked serene. And I remember he clutched his pad and pencils to his beard... got them to turn up the Bangles really loud... And he just took a last look at his street and he said something so weird. He said : It's beautiful." I'm crying while I write this. I hope you don't think I'm crazy, but I hope that you'll understand when you read the book. Oh Gosh. Now I can't stop. I'm still crying.